Miss Colette

 If  I don't make it home,  Or from my dance class,  Or from my early morning jogs,  Or to work someday, Wait for me a little longer,  I might be sitting by the road,  Admiring cars or just overthinking,  I might be still in my bed,  Debating if that day is worth the corporate stress,  I might be deciding if I got to keep going or just give up,  If I don't make it,  Before you call anyone, talk to God, Ask for my last blessings and a restful death.  When you get my house, grab my journal on the bedsitter  Write down that date and say that I didn't make it.  Search for all my journals and burn them, Because the dreaming and planning will be over. Don't call my guy best friend, because honestly that's heartbreak to never recover from. Don't call my mom directly,  Because it will be sorrows to loose her youngest child,  No matter how much I can age,  I am still my mom's youngest child, her little love...

 And I said................. Why would I ever allow people  To annoy me anymore  Overwhelm me or pressure me? So I said no, enough is enough  I said no to anything and anyone getting on my nerves  No to following orders Just because everybody is doing it  Doesn't mean I have to follow  Sometimes it doesn't even stick out to me  It's just normal stuff, boring even  I said no  Because I am tired to keeping up with things and people  That are not serving me or doing me any good  That are not helping me to become a better version  That are not even making me stay inspired  I said no  Because if don't stand up for myself, nobody will.  I don't have to shrink myself to fit in or stand out for someone.  I said no  In places where my feelings were not considered  And my presence was not appreciated  I said no  As not long ago, I felt alone in a place full of people  Who claim to love an...

  Death sat by my bed the other night  It whispered in question, " how are you handling this life thing?" I said, " I am   doing the best I can and I believe it gets better." It looked me in the eyes and  asked, " are you even happy??"  I looked it back in its  eyes," I am not, may be one day I will be." It advised me  to leave life  alone Since it wasn't offering me happiness I didn't want to, I said I know that better  are coming It didn't argue, it promised to wait for me  I was done crying over having a hard day at work  And I doubted my abilities some how  I wanted clarity on what really happens after death  Since nobody ever came back to tell us  I still wonder if it's peaceful or just chaos Or it's just like life  Where struggles exceed strength Pain doesn't neccessarily mean gain Constant feeling of wanting more  Where sometimes standing tall means standing on other people  And achieving vi...

 And it is another Valentine's day,  Where we are just grateful to be in good health,  And no prospects for intimate relationships.  Alone at night cuddling pillows or at the clubs getting tipsy And yet, we have a phone full of names and numbers,  A gallery full of memories of people we no longer talk to  But forever in love with them.  Where most people have touched our bodies and faces,  But never met our souls and hearts,  And we drew distance to keep it classy,  Since showing emotion reflects weakness.  Another Valentine's day,  Where we are thinking about our next big projects,  Instead of  planning gifts to give to people we care for, Where some of us will only call family to check on how they  are doing and simply wish them  a nice day.  Where we really don't mind an invitation to dinner,  Or alone night in for a deep sleep after a long week, Where we are just on a normal Friday, Thankful th...

 I don't even know how I explain this, I am supposed to know that I can't fall for a writer instead I would fall for the characters that he describes and personifies as he bleeds on the paper.  I couldn't help it, I run to sin in the name of discovery If you know me well, I am always exited about art, even for the types of art that I am not able to craft yet, I would say that art touches my soul more than any human being will ever try to. It all started when I found out that he does not only do poetry but also write short stories that are a bit erotic. That drew me in even further. because I love a good book, cigarettes, and fantasy let alone romance. As I read his story, I couldn't help but visualize all of the details that he is giving. My curiosity grew further to explore what he offers and test the bit of who he says he is.  I mean I am creator too, somehow I know if  this person was just building a character that will live in the mind of the readers relentlessly...

Nobody really talks about it, how boring life becomes without academic stress,  You have some added free time if you already have a job and if you don't got one,  You have all the free time in the world.  You get to question your purpose and reality forces to learn more about yourself It's December, almost two months since I officially graduated college,  I still watch post-grad depression videos on YouTube to try and get tips to deal with mine,  I mean I changed a job  and the pay is a bit better compared to where I was working before but I am still confused, overwhelmed, and questioning everything, I am not even happy about graduating  like I was expecting to be.  I just don't know anymore, It's like I know what I want but I also feel too scared to do anything,  In the movie "Ginny and Georgia", Brianne Howey said,  " Once you are happy, you have so much more to lose."  I feel like I relate to that more than anyone else in the wor...