People like us

 

This story was inspired by my dearest friend Alizee.

 She is a girl of morals and I love that she is full of life regardless of the hell she has been through.

Being a bitch and a lover, a sinner and a saint, and most of all, she lived to live not to survive.  

Seeing the way she lived I questioned my existence and wondered if she lived like that

because her name meant trade wind and she only acted like wind.

She was always convinced that she was not like others, not in an extraordinary manner but in a way,

she was a person to fight and work twice as hard compared to other people.

She believed everything has to be earned, even love.

“ People like us”, She said 

People like us are never allowed to be wrong and to be anything less than perfect. We are raised that way, 

Even as a child, she was not allowed to ask silly questions if it was not for excellent answers or experiences.

Growing up, she never saw her mother happy. She believed that at some point,

mothers have to be cruel and push their offspring beyond their capacities with each heartbeat.

She never believed in love but hard work and independence.

This is because it is what she saw at home for a long time.  

She was convinced to neither be in love nor marry.

Her mother believed it was because she was very little and only was fed her father’s anxiety and cruelty,

her mother’s continuous ignorance of feelings, and developed a need to always protect.

That’s why until now her masculine energy exceeds her natural feminine energy. 

The world was never safe around her and she would tell you that as a lady you have to have yourself and

never let a man blind you because of the expression of interest in you. 

She would say, “ Listen to me friend, We live in a man’s world, women don’t belong here,

never did and will never do.

What we can do is take advantage of men as long as we live, decide to love it’s up to you,

be vulnerable to them so they invest time, ideas, and materials,

but be careful, never submit to a man” 

However much she was against men and their love, she wanted to taste seduction, and lust,  and run into sin in the name of fun.

They say love can make one go crazy. 

That led to her trying things out with the need for perfection and long-for lived experiences.

The hacker she was, she was once experimenting with her tech geek skills and ended up meeting a gentleman. 

The height like the Eiffel Tower, the strength like Samson, and the beauty like Regé-Jean Page, Who am I kidding?

He couldn’t be as handsome as the most handsome man in the world according to science but he was charming. 

He was a man of few words and he wasn’t that strong with feelings, yet he loved and adored her.

For she was an overthinker, he was an over-explainer; 

for she was a fluent talker, he was an active listener,

and for she was moody and quite sporty, he was very supportive.

He didn’t see her as a handful woman or an impossible project. 

She was in love, taken care of, seen, heard, considered,

and she believed she was loved back with all that this man did to her. 

Months moved and an old of this found man returned,

the man never hesitated to walk away from her without telling a soul the reasons that led to this abandonment.

Her heart was broken. She felt betrayed again. 

This heartbreak felt like grief, she cried for months if not years, she would always remember, 

“ He told me that we would be impeccable together and no matter how much of a geek I am,

he can still teach me some things.”

“ He made love to my brain and touched my soul instead of my body. How could he do this to me?” 

“ You know every start has an end, you were not meant to be, accept it and move on.” I would tell her 

“ No Colette, perhaps, people like us are never meant to be happy,

people like us can’t keep victorious things around, how sad is that?”

“ What does it even mean people like us, you deserve good things too. “ 

“ People like us, I am telling you, they love and not receive love in return, they invest and still lose, people like us,  

She stopped and sighed, with a million tears drops in her lying down on the sofa in her little beautiful apartment.  

“ People like us never get anything, and when we do something, it never stays.” 

She never made peace with having her first love be her first heartbreak besides her father. 

If I am being truthful, I never saw her sad, depressed,

and in denial like before. I must admit she really loved a person this time. 

You know what they say that a living ghost haunts more than an actual ghost,

she was unable to sleep at night, was tired,

and her eyes went from relish white to blood red, her heart got weak, and she hated everything and everyone.

She was haunted forever, and till now she is haunted. 

And she learned to love him silently from a distance, without feeling betrayal or rejection.

Because in silence, she adores heavenly and

sleeps wishing forever without annoying a soul or disturbing the peace of a man. 

I heard a person saying that the people who love easily and hard, get hurt so bad,

and the good side to the story is that they also live. I

would testify that she lived. 

She adopted cover girl attitudes, not to shed tears, not appear sad, but appear to inspire and be adored;

and she let her heart cry instead of the eyes and there she masked the universe. 

She never looked at men the same way,

she simply decided to use them as long she lived but to a man who would love her wounds and adore her scars,

she will call upon the lover girl inside her and accept a heart. 

Her whole idea of people like us was so strong and strange in a way, not everyone would understand it,

to scientists, it would sound like religion, to mathematicians, it would sound like poetry, and to artists,

it would sound like coding or pure maths.

I had a chance to understand it but knowing it led to anxiety and it haunts me as I make choices or deal with life.

"People like us" She would repeat every time

For people like us to the universe, good can't and will never be enough

It takes best to be convinced that we can finally earn a thing

Everything has to be earned even love

Normal doesn't fit, extra is the way to go

We invest but still lose at every heartbeat

We love hard and adore heavenly and wanting that in return is being ingrate

having it will never reach 

We have friends but still don't feel company

We can't keep people not because we are toxic but

 because those don't value the friendship to stay around

People like us never get anything, and when we do get something, it never stays 

People like  us keep protocol, one wrong move is an opening step to hell

We are never allowed to make a mistake

It's either perfection or nothing

Though she lived with this idea of people like us that sound like terrible depression towards life,

She believed to* be her normal extra but allowed the universe to bless her ways one day and she will

experience the goodness of life she left like was taken from her.

Long live Alizee