Dear Lover Boy

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 Dear Lover Boy, 







I am hoping to meet you soon since I have been working hard to improve myself as a person and as a girlfriend or a lovely wife. 

I have spent my life living to impress and I identified as a perfectionist until yesterday when I decided to quit to live a little bit more than living in a worry. 

I am not perfect,  but I promise to know how to love with*everything I have. I have some things that I want you to know.

Sometimes I don't speak and other times I don't shut up. I have remarkable taste in fashion, music, and in adventure. Being together with you will mean that as long as I know that you care and love me, I will stand by your side no matter what, I will defend you even when it's illegal or it will cost a life. But my past trauma has convinced me that I don't really have to invest myself like that much anymore and that sometimes I need to let people do their part and stop being all over them trying to make things work for my own. That's hard work to do but I promise to cooperate as long you initiate.

In my first year of 20-something, I got hurt pretty bad and since then I am no longer that one girl who is full of life, who is like a bird flying freely and living to the fullest. I indeed changed from the most outgoing and happy person to fighting every day not to burst out of pain. I went from a talkative, energetic, and welcoming person to a calm unbothered kid. 

Sometimes I will stare at you and laugh without saying a single word and the other time I will want to lean on your shoulder or put my head on your chest to rest from this loud world. I will sometimes act childish around you, dance nonstop, talk to you with my most honest ideas, ask you silly questions, touch you uncontrollably,  sleep, eat, or drink vaguely. Sometimes I overdress and the other time I can even forget to dress simply or basically. Deep Breaths are my turning back points recognize that. 

I cry most of the time when I am stressed out or when I am losing hope. It's only fair if a person around me can notice and switch my cry with good humor or something debatable so that I can forget all of the pressure that is going on in my world at the moment. Just so you know, if a person around me doesn't notice I know that I can always wipe off my tears and adjust to the environment.

I don't sleep normally, I play music to sleep and I cuddle with my pillow to feel company. I can sleep late at night and wake up early morning, and sometimes I sleep all day and still feel tired, I can be awake all night with the fear of not waking up and go to bed in the morning with the hope that it is already daytime. Sometimes I prefer working from home and the other I commit to leaving the house to at least do something. 

You will see me complaining and that will mean that I still care and want to take a part in our relationship. If I ever stop complaining or coming up with ideas, that will mean that I am done and my energy is not worth whatever going on or my mind and heart can't the weight of whatever is personally going on with me. 

I will miss you every single second but I will not openly tell you, I will use some other gestures to express how much I enjoy your company, and don't take that lightly. Something more about me is how little things can make me happy and I can get very upset about little things too, you will just have to identify which ones. 

I hope you find me soon and hold on to me tight😉

Glad to see you here, My name is Colette MUKAGATERA welcome to my personal blog. I'm an aspiring writer since 2016. I will be sharing experiences, love stories, poetry, and anything else that can be expressed in written form.

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